The Beginning of Something Beautiful

first comes love...check!

then comes marriage...check, check!!

then comes a baby...whoa, wait a minute!

so here we are finally at the baby stage. it's been rough getting here. we had to wait a while due to my foot/leg issues, but now we have been given the a-ok so we are diving in without worry.

...did i say without worry?

anyone who knows me, knows that i plan the shit out of everything i do. well this baby business is scary because i can't plan a thing about it. or should i say my body won't let me.

it used to be a good thing in high school when everyone else was complaining about cramps. i finally joined them (or so i thought) in the summer between freshman and sophmore year, what i didn't know was that it was a limited time event. aunt flow didn't rear her ugly head again until the middle of junior year. and then not again until senior year.

this seemed to be a trend as i would go months without so much as one red dot, and them blam! like a ton of bricks i was doubled over so bad, throwing up, and bleeding so much i thought i was going to die. i never knew when she would visit, and i didn't care.

fast forward to when mike and i first started dating. i was so scared that i would get pregnant. i went to the gyn for the first time and immediately started on birth control pills. a regimen that would become my daily requirement until my first foot surgery. i remember being nervous again (because i couldn't take them) and getting flashbacks to when we first started dating. it was short lived, as i started them up again a few months later.

this time around with my second foot surgery, i wanted to track all of my "signs" so that i would be prepared for when the doc finally told us i was cleared for baby making. well i guess my body missed the memo and decided to take a vacation from all fertility related signals. that first cycle was fine but the second (57 days), i never thought it would end.

on august 18th, the foot doc gave me the good news 3 months early that i was cleared to go through pregnancy (that is: my body could finally handle it without crippling me). woohoo! but wait, i dont' even know what my body has been doing lately. 3 days later aunt flow showed up and i breathed a sigh of relief...ahhh!

fast forward to today...i am becoming jaded because its day 24 of my cycle and i have had 12 high fertility days on the clear blue easy fertility monitor (cbefm) with not even a sign of ovulation (temping or otherwise).

i know it's only our first cycle trying, but i think i am beginning to start feeling jaded about this whole process. have we wasted 8 years of money on birth control and worry about being careful for nothing???

hopefully my new gyn can shed some light at my appointment next week...